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Celebrating National Estate Planning Awareness Week by Busting Myths

October 24, 2024

Assumptions about what happens when we are gone can damage relationships with family, have us miss out on possibilities, and prolong or exacerbate the grieving process for our loved ones.

Yet, many people avoid talking with an attorney about this topic, for a variety of reasons.  Some think they don’t have enough assets, that they have plenty of time, or that the process is an uncomfortable acknowledgement of mortality.  The simple truth is that, by planning how you want to manage and transfer your property today, you can significantly reduce emotional costs for your loved ones and feel confident that your wishes will be carried out when you cannot speak for yourself.

Support Your Family and Friends

Parents of disabled children are well acquainted with the need to consider how an estate plan can impact lives, both positively and negatively.  They are familiar with the work and wait lists associated with obtaining resources their children are entitled to have and how a change in assets could put their loved ones at risk of losing appropriate housing, day programs, and other resources vital to their children’s security and happiness.

All parents want to have a sense that their children won’t face hardship because of a planning mistake.  Young families might think they do not have enough assets to have “an estate” and fail to plan for the unexpected.  Many couples wonder, “What happens if we die at the same time?” They should know that a good plan removes assumptions about who would be responsible for minor children and provide for their financial and personal futures.

Even basic planning can help address complex family situations, including blended families, while trusts can be put in place to preserve the estate plan.

Oddly, planning for the future can preserve the past.  A summer home where memories were created over decades can turn into a divorce between siblings, if they argue about use of the house and how expenses should be shared or paid.  An intended legacy of laughing swimmers around sparkling waters can evaporate if a plan isn’t put in place to avoid unnecessary misery.

Family can also include dear friends in addition to siblings, parents, and other relatives.  Assumptions about your wishes can pull these dear people apart emotionally and conflicts among your loved ones can never be fully resolved if you have no plan.  An estate plan can avoid disagreements before they even start.

Focus on the Important Things

Some people feel that material possessions are just things and don’t matter.  While that can be a healthy attitude, the fact is that those left behind must deal with all aspects of loss, most importantly, the grieving process.  Uncertainty about your wishes can lead to feelings of guilt and endless worry about whether the right decisions were made at a difficult time.

While people commonly assume that a will is the only document needed, comprehensive estate planning goes further toward providing security and peace of mind, particularly considering the unavoidable uncertainties of life.  A living will and designation of a Health Care Representative allows you to describe the medical care you want to receive when you cannot speak for yourself.  While some simply opt to include preferences about their final arrangements, the better practice is to keep any funeral wishes separate from legal paperwork that might only be addressed weeks after your passing.  By then, it may be too late to honor those wishes and those left behind will be filled with regret.

Your relationships are important to you and those who love you; the gift of knowledge can be incredible.  You can offer comfort and certainty at a stressful time, allowing those who miss you to focus on the grief process and preserving precious memories instead of trying to determine your wishes.

Avoid Meddling in Your Affairs

An estate plan can provide certainty about your wishes and minimize disputes.  Unclear wishes often lead to the time and expense of hearings with the probate court, let alone feelings of hurt and resentment. Assumptions about money loaned to children have led to broken ties when the wishes of the parents are not clear. Adding one child to an account or designating one as a beneficiary, but not others, can lead to chaos among siblings.

Avoiding assumptions means avoiding disputes as much as possible and the intervention of the probate court if you have no plan or become incapacitated.

An estate plan can also help you appropriately deal with taxes to minimize your liability.  The tax laws can be mercurial, with legislators sometimes making quick decisions that can change your future plans and sometimes avoiding action.  Failing to plan is planning to incur extra expenses.  Imagine the expense and frustration your loved ones will bear to reopen an estate to fix a title issue when that could be avoided.

Know That Business Is Personal

Business owners need to focus on the needs of their business to achieve success.  When those efforts become a reliable income stream for a family, there are long-term questions, such as whether the business should continue in the family past the founder’s involvement.  If a child takes an interest in the business, working full or part time, questions arise about how to treat that child and any siblings not in the business fairly.

Listen to the Professionals

Most attorneys who specialize in taxation, trusts, and estates do so because they want to help people in a meaningful way.  These attorneys have frequently seen the fallout from bad or non-existent estate planning and wish to help others avoid the emotional toll that they witnessed.  The process is collaborative and cooperative as compared to litigation, and long-term relationships often develop.

Clients report that an estate planning appointment is much better than they expect (fear) and have been known to make an attorney’s day by reaching a level of comfort and confidence that results in a spontaneous hug.

Everyone’s family situation is unique, and a good attorney must be able to listen as well as read the client’s non-verbal cues to provide a kind of emotional counseling as difficult topics are addressed.  Just as the monster under the bed becomes inconsequential in the morning, assumptions about estate planning vanish with good information and options that provide clients with control.


Bill Sherman trusts and estates attorney New Haven CT
William C. Sherman

William (Bill) Sherman practices in the areas of estate planning, trust and estate administration, commercial finance and real estate law. Bill represents high net worth individuals and small business owners in the creation and execution of complex estate and business plans. These plans often include sophisticated trusts and lifetime gifting to achieve succession planning and tax-efficient generational transfers of assets. Bill believes in providing plans that offer flexibility in the face of changing estate and gift tax laws.

Amy B. Smith trusts and estate attorney in New Haven CT
Amy B. Smith

Amy B. Smith practices in the areas of trusts and estates, probate, and real estate law. Amy is an Attorney Professional Member of PLAN of Connecticut, the only organization in Connecticut authorized to administer a special needs pooled trust.